5 Things I Don’t and Will Not Do as a new mom

When you become a new mom, you receive a ton of advice – some solicited, other not so much. This advice is usually given by well meaning loved ones or if you are a nervous first time mama like me, then by some random strangers on the bajillion mommy forums online.

Let’s face it, when you are a first time mom, you want to do everything right… or if you are like me, then at the very least you don’t want to fuck your child up. I don’t want to break my baby ok? (That was an actual fear of mine when she was a few days old, what if I dropped her and broke her bones. I didn’t but still…)

During the first two weeks, I tried to follow as much of the online “wisdom” as I could but some of it just doesn’t work for me. Here is a list of 5 things I am not doing and will not do in the foreseeable future.

1. Skin on Skin Time

Cue the shocked, angry, judgemental tones. But yeah… I am not stripping my baby down for every feeding. NOPE.
When my little one is freaking fussing and wants to eat, stripping her down to her diaper is the last thing I want to be doing.

As far as bonding is concerned, we are happy and are doing well. She smiles every time I am around, either that or she smells milk and smiles. Both of those things work for me.

2. Feed every 2 hours 

Ok so when we were at the hospital I was told to wake my baby up every two hours after a feed but then she started cluster feeding and I just didn’t have it in me to wake her up after 2 hours after 6 hours of continuous feeding. NAHHHH BRAAH
Apart from that, she wakes up like clockwork when she wants to eat and has been putting on weight consistently.

I am sure that feeding every 2 hours works for some babies but my baby was constantly spitting up and had so much uncomfortable gas.

3. Use diaper cream during every diaper change

Why the heck would I slather on chemicals on my baby’s bum without a cause? Coconut oil rules.

4. Leave my baby in a dirty diaper overnight just because pampers are super absorbent

Okay first question: How’d you like to sit in your shit for 5 hours?
I know people say that you shouldn’t wake up a sleeping baby and normally I’d be happy to oblige but I don’t want her to get an extremely angry bum rash.

I am happy to rock her back to sleep or feed her once she is clean.

5. Not rock her to sleep in my arms

I enjoy it and so does she.
She is equally happy to fall asleep on her play mat. I am told she will get used to it but my experience tells me otherwise.

We are constantly told that every baby is different, then why do we try to put them in buckets and tell mothers to follow all of that advice that may or may not work for them? Mamas you know your babies best so do what works for you.

Self Care as a New Mom

Becoming a mom has come with its unique set of challenges. I am definitely grateful but suddenly not having time to yourself can be trying. That’s why self care has become extremely important to me because let’s face it, without self care, I would 100% lose my shit.

Given that I am a millenial (* do I hear you cringe?*), when I decided that I needed to incorporate some intentional self care in my daily routine, I youtube-d it. And lo and behold, every other person, who was talking about self care, wanted me to take several hours to myself EVERY DAY to do nothing. HAHAHAHAH ok. -_-

1. That’s not possible with a newborn
2. Let’s be realistic, is this ever possible even without a newborn? I am lucky if I get 20 minutes of peace and quiet these days. Yes, newborns sleep a lot but if you are a functioning adult who needs food or wants to take a shower or a shit (you do you boo!) then you are basically doing something when they are sleeping. Or, if you are me, you are napping and catching up on sleep.

However, this doesn’t mean that you can’t get some time to yourself. Here are 9 things I have been doing to make myself feel better each day.

1.  Spending time chatting with my baby

I know, I know, I am talking about getting time for myself and I want to spend that talking to my baby? I sound like I have lost my marbles but hear me out.
I am a C section mom, so in the first few days of her life, I couldn’t really talk to her or engage with her a ton without completely exhausting myself. Now that I have recovered, I am taking full advantage of it and I intentionally set aside an hour each day where I do nothing but talk to her.

I find that as a parent I can be quite overwhelmed, especially because she is only a month old, but if I put away all my electronics and just spend time talk to her, not only is it good for her language development, it also helps me relax! I have also noticed that when I do chat with her she starts babbling, which is really the most adorable thing I’ve ever seen a baby do!

2. Taking a 20 minute walk every day

Each day, I ask her dad to look after the baby for a minimum of 2 hours so I can get some me time. This can even be scheduled when she is taking a nap.

During this time I can take a shower, read or go for a walk. Since the weather has turned warmer, I have been opting for more walks instead of reading or sitting around.

3. Put some lipstick on

Something as simple as putting on some lipstick in the morning makes me feel put together and happy for the rest of the day.
Admittedly though the weather in Toronto is hot as shit right now so I have been avoiding putting lipstick on because I hate the melting feeling on my face. UGH.

4. Have some tea

Image courtesy of David’s Tea Instagram

Because tea is magic!

I lovvveee love love tea! I don’t care how hot it gets, tea always makes me happy!

5. Drink lots of water

Our little one is exclusively breast fed so drinking water is high on my priority list, especially on these hot days. AHHH GOD! SO HOT! Can we go back to winter already. DAMN IT!

I have the pink S’well bottle and it makes me feel oh so fancy even when I am just drinking water. You don’t need to have a fancy water bottle but I like having one so I use it!

6. Ask your partner for help 

7. Meditate

I do this by colouring in my mandalas! You can use one of those meditation apps too, here’s one that I am currently obsessed with

https://www.calm.com/meditate

8. Blog

I find that not only does blogging help me relax, it also helps me get organized when I can get my thoughts out on paper or in this case in a blog post.
I have always found blogging to be extremely therapeutic. Doesn’t matter if people are reading your blog or not, do it for yourself and perhaps your kid down the line.  It is also really fun to go back and read posts you wrote several years ago and see how you have grown as a person.

9. Eat well! 

I can’t stress this enough! Eating well gives you the energy to take care of your baby & yourself.

Mamas, I want to know how do you take care of yourself?


Disclaimer: It took a while after Iman’s birth for me to start taking care of myself or to even figure out what I need to be doing & by no means do I have it all figured out.