Short version of this post:

hmmm merp derp herp derp meeerrrrrrr meh

Long version:

One of those times where words are failing me or I can’t find the right ones at least. Feeling pretty bummy, not sure if that is a word but I have been feeling so BLEH for the past few weeks, not sure why…

So many people are like don’t run after titles, accolades and such but most of these people are wildly successful, at least they look like that to me. They then go on to tell you how if they could go back in time they’d tell their younger self to slow down and not worry at all. hahahahhahah

I hope they realize that in the first place we are listening to them because they are considered successful. If I could summarize all of these conversations they would all sound something like this:
“Be a bum. Just be lazy. No point in caring about your grades and while you are at it burn the house down too.”

I am so f***ing frustrated. UGH! F***!

Don’t get me wrong, I like what I do but it really bothers me when people tell me to slow down. What do you mean by slow down? How about you speed up?

Snoopy always says it best.

I was going to do a post about my life so far but then I thought about doing this instead. I feel like I really should have paid more attention to this blog. There was once a community around it but now it feels kind of lonely on here but I am really hoping that we can all reconnect again soon. I have been doing some of my blogging rounds again to get in touch 🙂 Hope you all are well.

I have never done something like this on my blog where I  tell you folks all about me. I am not talking about what colour I like or what’s my favourite food but other, more personal things.

1. The first time I ever really got scared in my life was when my nani ma (maternal grandmother) passed away. The night before it happened, my dad had told us that we should pray to help my grandmother feel at peace because she had been in the hospital for some time and was in a lot of pain. The next morning she passed away and I thought that I had done that. The 9 year old me was petrified for years and didn’t share this with anyone until I was much older.
2. For the longest time, I did not understand where I belonged. Our family had a habit of moving around a lot and I don’t mean schools or houses; I mean moving from country to country. Even though it was like being on a big adventure. I did not really understand where I belonged. It was only when I got my Singaporean citizenship that I finally breathed a sigh of relief and felt at home… for the first time in my life. Before that, every time I’d sing the national anthem in school, I’d feel like such a phoney. Thank you Singapore for all that you have given me and the love you have shown me.
3. I once painted my whole apartment with my sister and my parents finally let us paint it the colour that we wanted. It was a big win for us and even though we were so sore after I felt like that was the happiest day of my life.
4. Even though I have now finished my Masters, I still have dreams about how school exams and how I just NEED an extra 5 minutes to finish writing it. Do you folks have them too?
5. I sometimes feel like I am an old soul stuck in a young persons body and even though I feel this way I am scared of ageing. Not scared in a getting wrinkly sort of way but more of a not having the time to fulfill all of my dreams and everything that I want to achieve in life.
6. Sometimes when life feels like a race, I tune out everything. This includes news, people’s voices, anything that comes my way basically but I am capable of having engaged conversations during these phases as well.
7. I often have really great blog ideas when I am in the middle of doing something really important and later when I try to blog about them, they just do not seem as exciting.
8. I am 28 and I still do not know how to put on makeup. I don’t really understand the purpose of many of the things that are sold at sephora, why the fuck do we need a shadow crayon? I am really envious of girls whose make up is always on point and I wish I could learn it somewhere but whenever I try to go on to youtube to learn it, I get sucked into the interwebs and start watching cat or baby videos.
9. The scariest day of my life so far was the day we lost my cousin and even though I still don’t understand what happened I think of him every single day. I was 25 back then and I remember coming back home and mom asked me to just sit down and listen and so I did. I recall everything going numb when I heard that he had passed away and all I could say was “what the fuck”.
   That was the first time in my life that I ever really comprehended the fact that any of us could die at any given moment. While we lived on opposite sides of the globe, we shared a special bond, sharing some of life’s weird details with each other. It was really hurtful then that his sister said to me, “why are you crying? you don’t even live here.”
   I wanted to say that loving someone has got nothing to do with living with them 24/7 but I didn’t. I understand that she must have felt that her loss is bigger than mine but there is no need ever to trivialize someone else’s loss.
10. Since some of the facts have been pretty heavy, here is a lighthearted one to end this post. When I was in grade 3, our class put together a production of Sleeping Beauty. I wanted to be the princess like every other girl in my grade but instead my teacher thought that I would make a great king. So I played the prince’s dad.
    Sure I was a king but my only line in the show was “OH HA HA what a splendid day” and that ladies and gentlemen were my 2 seconds of fame in grade 3 theatre.

Hope all of you are having a splendid weekend! Would love to hear more about all of you too!

(: