Growing Up – Wait a minute, this is not what I signed up for!

I am 25, well almost, and I am fortunate to have a mother who apart from occasionally asking me, “hey, so when are you planning to settle down?” doesn’t really push me to date or to marry and trust me that is lucky, considering the fact that I come from an Asian family. Let’s just say Asian parents have a penchant for trying to get involved in their child’s love life and yes I know that they have the child’s best interest at heart but sometimes, just sometimes, it can get more than a little annoying.

But that’s besides the point, the point is, to date I have had a really romanticized notion of marriage. Hey! Don’t blame me! Blame Disney. Ah good old Disney has put a lot of other things in my head too but I will deal with them later. Riatarded is really serious today and she means business!

I always, well at least till now, have been under the impression that people fall in love and they live happily ever after. Trust me, I still want to believe that but experience has taught me otherwise and don’t they say that experience is a darned good teacher? For the past two months, I have been living alone with my sister and that IS like a marriage in more ways than you can imagine. Well lets just say that my sister is the kind of person who is really busy and who needs to be pushed before she can get any household chores done. I have to do her laundry, do her dishes, cook for her and help her out with her school work, which was fine for a week or two but its getting out of hand and it has made me realize that the type of commitment, i.e marriage, that I have always thought that I am ready for, I am not ready for it.

Growing up has been very different from what I expected it to be. It’s a lot of responsibility and I am really not quite sure if I am ready to take on that sort of responsibility on a permanent basis. Also, I salute my mom and moms in general, this is hard work and I honestly don’t know how you guys do it but you guys are awesome

Do things get better as you get older? I know I sound really whiny but I would love to hear from you guys.

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49 thoughts on “Growing Up – Wait a minute, this is not what I signed up for!

  1. The only thing I know that gets better when older is wine. Well, about our life in general… It depends. I think it depends with our attitude and perspective towards life. One paradox in life is that sometimes, we would just realize that something got better when it’s over.

  2. Well, I also come from an Asian family and I’m just gllladdd none of my parents never really brought up the whole “love” issue when I was growing up. 😀 But I suppose 25 is much too early to start getting into a BIG big commitment. You’re almost about to hit the Kate Middleton mark which is 29 so it’s not that bad! And surely, not all guys are going to let you do all the chores. There must be a guy out there who does chores too! 🙂 Although that sounds really rare…. but there are some men who do chores alongside their wives 😀

    • haha I hope so! I just asked my boyfriend if he would help me out around the house and he said yes! So let’s just hope he doesn’t go back on his word 😉

      I don’t know, is 25 too early? Everyone around me seems to be getting married! Either that, or the baby fever! God help me!

      I am waiting to read more from you! 😀

  3. It does take hard work. I made it through 24 years in marriage, 27.5 in a relationship (until my personal issues overwhelmed), interests are not always the same, nor goals, nor attitudes toward everything. It works best when both engage in things big and small, while providing each other freedom to grow, yet also when both humble themselves to one anohter. You are wise to wait.

  4. Ah yes marriage is scary. Somehow you will know when you are ready. Living with a spouse is a bit difference than living with a sibling. That’s good because I would kill my brother if I had to live with him (and I really do adore him). My Mr. Wonderful helps out quite a bit. He actually compensates for some of my weaknesses (not that I have that many). We are a team and it has worked. You are too young too worry about it. I was older when I married and I was past the Disney part.

    • haha your comment made me smile!

      I just read your blog post about Mr. Wonderful and he sounds like a really sweet guy! 🙂

      And you are right, living with a boyfriend/spouse is different from living with a sibling but for some reason my boyfriend and sister are like the same person in two different bodies. Same adorable/annoying habits! I am not even kidding!

  5. Growing up is indeed scary. Thing is we don’t actually grow up so much as just get older, sometimes wiser (with luck) and learn to shift our priorities more efficiently.

    That is all, really.

    Children certainly change our world views in more ways than can be counted. But while we are child free, well it is simply a matter of picking the battles you want to fight so you can win them. Laundry piling up? Do you still have clean underwear? Good do the laundry later unless there is nothing else more important or interesting to do. Want to cut down on the amount of laundry you have? Wear your jeans more than once before throwing them in the laundry, really unless you have brawled the night before and they have blood and / or dirt on them, how dirty are they really from one wearing. Hang your towels up, use them more than one time and only use one! It is better for the environment and again, less laundry to do.

    Growing up isn’t all that bad, getting older also isn’t all that bad. It is all a matter of perspective.

    • I guess you are right! and I really like the advice you gave!

      Also, why am I not receiving your posts in my email? :/ I have been really out of touch and for some reason, this theme doesn’t allow me to have a blogroll! 😐

      • Don’t know on why you aren’t receiving posts, check your management stats and see if you have the settings changed. Sometimes when you change themes it will change how you receive notifications. I had that problem when I changed my theme recently, still sorting through some of the mess.

        As to the blogroll, do what some of the rest of us are doing (follow Red’s lead). Set up a Page for it instead of setting it to the side. This will actually let you manage it more efficiently and let your Blog Pages and Posts load more quickly for both you and your readers. Check Red’s (M3) Green Room or my Blog Roll pages. It works really well and people can add their own links later on!

    • haha I hope that is true! It is funny though, because as a kid I couldn’t wait to grow up! (don’t we all?!)

      Thank you for the email address! I am going to write to you soon!:)

  6. I’m going to be 42 next month and feel like I’m really living for the first time. I was so afraid of what people thought of me when I was in my 20’s. I also tell people they shouldn’t even consider marriage until at least 25. I know there are exceptions, but so many people marry early before they know who they are.

    An author I highly recommend is Camy Tang. She writes Asian based romance with a “kick of Wasabi”. She has great humor.

    • Hey Julie!

      Thank you for the recommendation! I have written it down and I am definitely going to check it out!

      Tell me about it! Everyone around me seems to be getting married! I don’t know what’s the rush!

  7. Very interesting post and comments. MLB and I have been married almost 26 yrs. Never thought we’d make it that far, really. We play hard and bicker quite a bit. But I think finding the right person is the key. If you want a shared load, find someone like-minded in that regard.

    I do the laundry, trash, and some other chores. So I don’t have an aversion to helping out, for sure. There are guys who don’t even know how to do laundry. Personally, I love doing laundry. I did a post on it, if you recall: http://www.mjmonaghan.com/2011/12/17/the-zen-of-laundry/

    I married at 26, but tried not to have high expectations. Women are given the fairy tale their whole life, unfortunately, and that might be aiming too high.

    Wow, ramble much?? So sorry, my friend!

    • haha no! I really liked reading your comment! Thank you!

      She is lucky then:) I would love to have that sort of understanding with someone!

      And you are right! Women are given the fairytale version of a wedding and I wish that people would stop doing that. Also, what is it with men who don’t know how to do the laundry? It isn’t rocket science!

      You really did explain the process of doing laundry very well in your post. if that doesn’t teach guys how to do laundry I don’t know what will!

  8. They DO fall in love.. and they DO live happily ever after. As long as they put in all the hard work that goes along to make that happen.

    And then he becomes bald and pouchy, and she loves him still. And then you know it’s real.

    Does it get better as you get older? If you want it to, I think so =)

    • Then I am sure it will! because I definitely do want it to!

      oh who am I kidding, I secretly love taking care of people :p i love my sister, she can just be a handful sometimes 🙂

      Haha does he have to become bald and pouchy? Noooooo!

  9. Each stage of life has its own joys and sorrow. I don’t know if I can say life will get better because I don’t know what is in store for you. I think my life is richer because I have someone to share it with. We have been married for over 32 years, and he is a gift. But I think it’s possible to live richly and with deep meaning if you are single.

    We are called to live each day; some days are easier than others, but all are worth living.

    • You are right! I don’t want to stay unmarried all my life either 😛

      And wow 32 years! that’s awesome and I hope you guys will be together for many more years to come!

      I really liked the last sentence in your comment. Is it authentic yearstricken material? 🙂

  10. You don’t sound whiny 🙂

    Things don’t get better as you grow older, but your perspective alters which causes you to appreciate what you didn’t before.

    Life is.
    Enjoy it.
    Well, I say – I don’t mean to ‘lecture’!

    What challenges you, truly does make you stronger.

    Don’t have children unless you desire to, and not with a person that you do not desire to be their father. When I was married, my father & family couldn’t give a f*k! but my husband’s family DID want to know when we would have kids. Well, actually, I wasn’t ready for children! So in our 7 years of marriage, we had no children. But I left him and OUT OF THE BLUE, 3 YEARS LATER I BECAME PREGNANT AND I WAS INFERTILE!!! That’s actually what my blog is all about (my writings of that time). But seriously, don’t create new human beings unless you want to, and ESPECIALLY not with a person you would NOT want to be their parent, their guide, their good example.

    OMG, forgive me. You evoked a lot of feeling by your innocent & sweet note about growing up. Hope you don’t mind – it’s all just comment, not gospel.

    🙂
    Noeleen

    • Hey Noeleen!

      Your blog sounds interesting and I am definitely going to check it out just as soon as I am done replying to this comment 🙂

      Of course I didn’t mind it! Thank you! I appreciate that people are voicing out their opinions and I agree with you about the change in perspective.

      I like kids, but other people’s 😛

  11. Hey, Ria. Would you like some cheese with your whine? 😛

    We’re just the same age but honestly, there’s no book out there saying that certain things get better at this age or things get worse at that age. No. We just grow old and die anyway.

    Er, sorry. I am not that much of a help.

  12. Life is about learning and learning is about growing so to be totally comfortable with being an adult is being honest with yourself and take responsibly for your own life. We all choose the lives we lead.

  13. Ok, as a person twice your age, I have to agree, marriage takes a lot of work! It is never ending…chores, to dos, the extending yourself for another person, and if you add children, other people! But when it’s good, it’s very, very good! And you find ways to manage, to balance, and to gain perspective. In our case, we don’t trade off chores…my night to cook, next is his…what we do is we have each, over the years, developed our own areas of coverage and expertise. He does some things, I do others, we do some things together. But it all balances out over time.

    Good luck with your sister! Maybe this is your test run for a bigger commitment! ~ Sheila

    • 🙂 that is really nice! It’s a good thing that you guys have worked out a system. I can’t imagine how people ever manage without that!

  14. If you are interested in such books, I read a good book a while back called “Twenty Something Twenty Everything” by Christine Hassler which is basically a welcome to your quarter-life crisis. 🙂 It’s very helpful!

  15. Being a bit further along on the journey, I can tell you that my experience is every age has its benefits and bummers. Usually the changes are so subtle you don’t realize you’ve changed until you look back. It’s great that you inspect and ponder. Good luck

    • That’s so true! I can see a stark difference between the 19 year old me and 24 year old me but I didn’t really notice the changes as they happened!

      Thank you!!! 🙂

  16. Bah screw dishes and laundry and whatnot. I always get hit for saying it’s womens work but it is! They’re simply better at it. You should see me try and activate one of those spinny thingies that fires water and your clothes, or one of those mobile sucky things and makes dirt disappear…

  17. Hello, Riatarded! 🙂 Is there any other name I can call you because calling you by your blog’s name makes me sound like I’m offending xD But anywho, I came by to tell you that I have a new blog because I just MUST scrap my old blog…. :/ Things got out of hand there and anywho, patkaybites.wordpress.com 🙂 I hope you stop by and follow! 🙂 THANK YOU!

    • hahah pat! you can call me ria:) that’s what friends call me! I like riatarded too though! 😛

      Yup! i will definitely follow your blog! What happened though? You can always drop me an email at mapleria@gmail.com 🙂

  18. they DO get better when you get older. for me, the key is to be happy with the little things, the little joys, the little moments – i know it sounds so Oprah, but they add up to a very happy existence. And to quote Dan Savage, “every relationship you’re in will fail, until one doesn’t.” in my life, i found that to be very true. so, it’s best to just enjoy the ride and not sweat the small stuff. when you’re as self inquisitive as you are, you’re always on the right path, imho. – love, mother (not your mother, but ya know, like the world’s cosmically speaking. lol.)

  19. Age does mellow and give perspective. Which is hard to wait for and easy to make fun of. And I disagree that women are better at cleaning. It’s a skill that can be learned…if a person wants to learn it.

  20. Thanks for the shout out to Moms. Too many times I’ve questioned whether or not I did the right thing as a Mom. As for helping around the house, I am lucky. My husband pitches in, does his own laundry, and even compliments me on the meals I make. I hope he feels I’m as happy with him and he is with me. Good luck. Don’t rush into anything.

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