Incoherent Thoughts

I did not choose this for myself. Maybe it came to me.

Maybe I went for it.

All I can tell you is that it was not a conscious decision.

I dreamt of a time… I dream of a time when I will meet someone who will want to do things with me… for me… or just be with me just because I am me.

This is nothing to do with relationships.

I don’t know what it is.

There is an inherent sadness to it.

A kind of sadness that depletes your energy level. A kind of sadness that makes you want to disappear and never talk to anyone ever again.

This kind of sadness just needs to go.

I have tried… tried to dissociate myself from the situation… tried to think happier thoughts but in the end it’s the incoherent ones that take over.

Loneliness

Pointless

I just want to burst into tears for no good reason.

Stupid hormones.

Typing this post seemed like such a good idea.

I want to fly away.

Honestly, right now, i’d give anything to be a bird.

Isn’t summer supposed to be a happy time? I feel caged, oh hey I sound like my 19 year old self! YAY! whoopdef*ckingdo!

How is your summer coming along? Put a caption on the picture below?

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Growing Up – Wait a minute, this is not what I signed up for!

I am 25, well almost, and I am fortunate to have a mother who apart from occasionally asking me, “hey, so when are you planning to settle down?” doesn’t really push me to date or to marry and trust me that is lucky, considering the fact that I come from an Asian family. Let’s just say Asian parents have a penchant for trying to get involved in their child’s love life and yes I know that they have the child’s best interest at heart but sometimes, just sometimes, it can get more than a little annoying.

But that’s besides the point, the point is, to date I have had a really romanticized notion of marriage. Hey! Don’t blame me! Blame Disney. Ah good old Disney has put a lot of other things in my head too but I will deal with them later. Riatarded is really serious today and she means business!

I always, well at least till now, have been under the impression that people fall in love and they live happily ever after. Trust me, I still want to believe that but experience has taught me otherwise and don’t they say that experience is a darned good teacher? For the past two months, I have been living alone with my sister and that IS like a marriage in more ways than you can imagine. Well lets just say that my sister is the kind of person who is really busy and who needs to be pushed before she can get any household chores done. I have to do her laundry, do her dishes, cook for her and help her out with her school work, which was fine for a week or two but its getting out of hand and it has made me realize that the type of commitment, i.e marriage, that I have always thought that I am ready for, I am not ready for it.

Growing up has been very different from what I expected it to be. It’s a lot of responsibility and I am really not quite sure if I am ready to take on that sort of responsibility on a permanent basis. Also, I salute my mom and moms in general, this is hard work and I honestly don’t know how you guys do it but you guys are awesome

Do things get better as you get older? I know I sound really whiny but I would love to hear from you guys.

A little help please

Hi Guys!

So this is not like one of my usual posts (what are my usual posts like anyways? hmmm) I need a little help. Don’t worry I won’t be asking you for money or to hurt someone, I just need some help with clicking and it is NOT sponsored clicking.

Basically, there is this new band that I like, Karmin, and they are having a top fan contest and I really want to win it (WHO WOULDN’T!).

The only way I can gain points is by getting my links clicked. I have been posting them on my twitter and each time someone clicks I get 5 points!

So please please please if you could that would be awesome! You don’t even need to have a twitter account to click I believe! I usually tag them with numbers like #1, #2 and so on and so forth.

Important: I just have 3 more days left and I would appreciate as many clicks as I can get. Thank you everyone!

I would love you if you click and I would love you even if you don’t. It is a win win situation basically but clicking would make me happier!

In short: CLICK THE LINKS PLEASE! (you can view the links by going to my twitter, look on the right side of this page for my twitter!)

Are we all actors?

“The uniqueness of self cannot be pigeonholed! The self is always changing, always in transit and it’s preposterous to think it can be nailed down by a definition. Only small minds would think so.” Moranna from An Audience of Chairs by Joan Clark.

The character of Moranna echoes my sentiments. Yet, the concept of self is one of the most fundamental concepts of sociology. Goffman aptly described the concept of self as a sense of who one is. He didn’t directly state whether self is always changing or not,  instead, he described how we have an on and off stage persona. Does that mean we are always acting when people are watching? Are we always giving a performance? Are we all actors in our own right? (oh how wonderfully dramatic!)

While everyone has varying viewpoints about this concept, I don’t believe that all of us are always acting in front of others. Instead, I believe that we choose to hide some of the aspects of our personality to portray a more favorable image of ourselves. Is that called acting?

Sure, there are people who portray a completely different image from what they are but we don’t call them normal people we call them reality stars;)

What do you think?