Today I heard something that made me cringe and I feel the need to share it.
Where do I even begin…
Where I come from, arranged marriage is the norm. Most people have their parents select a life partner for them and for many that works…
… or they make it work for themselves.
What I heard today was that it is alright to have your husband tie you up in order for him to consummate YOUR marriage even if you are in pain and don’t want to do it… cause you know obviously it is all about him!
This coming from a 20 something year old terrifies me even more.
Everyone I have known who has had an arranged marriage, has had a baby roughly 9 months after.
There is nothing wrong with having a baby and I am not bashing the idea of an arranged marriage, I know it works for some people.
I am neither for or against arranged marriage. I think it is a personal decision you need to make for yourself but you should definitely not be forced into it. Assuming that you are happily deciding to let your parents take the lead in finding a partner for you, I don’t want to comment on that or talk about it.
What I do want to talk about is SEX.
What was that? The collective sound of many people’s salwars getting in a bunch?
It is 2016 and we still can’t talk about sex.
It is not just about sex…
We are unable to talk about anything related to sex… puberty, sex education. Entire chapters in biology textbooks on sex are skipped because it is seen as something that is shameful and awkward.
…and then you get married and suddenly there is all this pressure to consummate your marriage and have a baby.
Sure, some people claim to get educated by porn, but tauba tauba we don’t watch that! (Sidenote: porn has it’s own problems – I am not entirely sure if that is where people should be getting their daily dose of sex education from.)
Ladies and gentlemen, it is never ok to be forced into sex, married, in a relationship or otherwise. THAT’S RAPE.
You’d think people would know that but many don’t.
If you think you need to have sex with someone just to appease them, even when you don’t want to… you don’t.
Consent is key but you can’t manipulate someone into giving consent either.
Mothers, Fathers… please don’t force your daughters to consummate their marriage. Give them time and space. Educate them. Let them know it is ok to not want to have sex the day they marry someone.
Unfortunately, there are those who have been forced into having sex themselves but that does not mean we need to pass the same thinking down the generations.
Two wrongs don’t make a right.
Girls, know your rights. Don’t let someone force you.
Men, you don’t have to prove your masculinity by forcing a woman into having sex with you. You don’t have to prove anything.
For generations, we have been told that the wedding night sets the tone for the marriage.
YOU set the tone for your marriage.
Treat each other with love and respect. Forget what you have been told by people or the expectations set by others.
Other people don’t need to live your life – You do.