Incoherent Thoughts

I did not choose this for myself. Maybe it came to me.

Maybe I went for it.

All I can tell you is that it was not a conscious decision.

I dreamt of a time… I dream of a time when I will meet someone who will want to do things with me… for me… or just be with me just because I am me.

This is nothing to do with relationships.

I don’t know what it is.

There is an inherent sadness to it.

A kind of sadness that depletes your energy level. A kind of sadness that makes you want to disappear and never talk to anyone ever again.

This kind of sadness just needs to go.

I have tried… tried to dissociate myself from the situation… tried to think happier thoughts but in the end it’s the incoherent ones that take over.



Lea was quiet at first, she didn’t want to say anything.

Couple of times, she parted her lips but no sound came out. As he sat himself down across the table from her, all she wanted was to shake him up and tell him not to lie anymore.

She didn’t want to hurt him. In fact, even after all of his lies she wanted to be there for him, but clearly this wasn’t working.

Her brain screamed RUN but her heart told her otherwise. She sighed heavily and just tried to regain her sanity.

Sipping on her cup of tea, she thought about all the things she liked about him.

‘It’s not too bad,’ she thought to herself, ‘we all have our little quirks. Maybe just maybe he will have a change of heart.’

Oh what will she do…


So hey there lovely people! Haven’t blogged in forever! Have just been busy with school and work but here I am! Who is doing Nanowrimo this year? Let me know! I love you all! x

And the above is for Nanowrimo, I know this is not well edited and I am still working on things but I’ll get there, I hope!

A Fleeting Moment

In that fleeting moment, she wished the ground beneath her feet would open up and swallow her whole. She felt that if she wished hard enough, she could somehow will the ground to open up.

But of course it didn’t. It never does. Well, not when you really need it to at least.

She had a tendency to blabber, a tendency that never quite left her. A tendency she wished she didn’t have.

‘I will just say this and shut up’ was by far the most common thought she ever had.

‘You are a lady, be eloquent but say as little as possible’ she was told. However, it was something she never could do. To her, that did not even make sense.

‘Well, some day’ she told herself, ‘some day.’

It was just a fleeting moment after all.


At the start, there was a conversation…

A conversation you now wish you could recall, but all you can recall, is his smile.

There was something about that smile that was unbearably attractive. He was not a handsome man by any standards, but it was that smile, you tell yourself.

‘What was it about him that was attractive?’, you often ask yourself, but seem to find no answer.

You think you are going insane. It makes no sense after all.

Your friends tell you, it’s not you, it’s him. But that’s what friends do, they say things to make you feel better. ‘No’, you tell yourself, it was definitely him.

You pen down yet another entry in your diary. Cross out his name a couple of times and tell yourself, ‘it will be ok.’

In the morning there will be assignments to hand in, work to take care of and friends to talk to. You will forget about it soon enough but not tonight.

Tonight, for one last time, you will allow yourself to think about him and tell yourself it’s ok.

It is not like you did not know that it will come to this. You did. Along the way there were many red flags but the sense of familiarity made them seem like just a bunch of colors.

Familiarity is a strange thing, is it not?

Inappropriate amounts of love… and the end of a love affair

We guys are close right? We share a bond don’t we?

Isn’t an internet bond still a bond, I mean sure it’s no ionic bond but still a bond eh? (what the hell kind of lame joke was that ria? TSK TSK!)

I have an unhealthy liking for lists! THERE I SAID IT!

If lists were a person I’d make sweet love to them! I’d cook, clean and bear it’s children and never ever complain cause lists are rad!

I make a list the moment I wake up, a list before I eat, a list before I read and a list before I go to bed. I keep 5 diaries, 3 for making lists, 1 for planning to make lists and 1 just to write sweet nothings to my lists in!

You know what? If lists asked me to, I would even give up twitter for them and that’s serious!

So obviously when I came across a list of 25 things to do before you turn 25, I was like YAY! HOLY MOLY! WHOOPA! WHAM BAM! you get the picture…

However most of the lists had repetitive questions and that was such a turn off. So here is a list of the top 10 things most of these lists say I should have done!

1) Have a really good one night stand with a gorgeous guy…

Granted we are close but still not that close that I disclose the answer to this to you… YET;)

2) Do an illegal drug.

Nope! I am from Singapore, I wouldn’t have been alive to tell the tale!

3) Confront a fear

Hmmm I can’t really think of anything… I guess I did sort of overcome my fear of heights!

4) Make a real guy friend who is really just a friend! 

DONE! and he is oh so awesome!

5) Try an exotic food whose name you can’t pronounce

PEEETZAAA anyone? 😉

6) Go to a pride parade!

Went to one in Montreal in 2010! LOTS OF FUN!

7) Finish College! 

Amen to that! and also THANK YOU GOOD LORD!

8) Take a multi day hiking trip


9) Look back on the past 25 years and make sure you have no regrets

Actually I am gonna start a series of letters to myself on this blog! Do I hear unanimous grunting? :p

Ok so I lied, I didn’t get to number 10. The reason being that I read a ton of lists and I got so God damn bored! No more lists for me from now on!

What about you? Are there things that you are trying to accomplish before a certain age? Let me know cause you know ria likes knowing!