Familiarity

At the start, there was a conversation…

A conversation you now wish you could recall, but all you can recall, is his smile.

There was something about that smile that was unbearably attractive. He was not a handsome man by any standards, but it was that smile, you tell yourself.

‘What was it about him that was attractive?’, you often ask yourself, but seem to find no answer.

You think you are going insane. It makes no sense after all.

Your friends tell you, it’s not you, it’s him. But that’s what friends do, they say things to make you feel better. ‘No’, you tell yourself, it was definitely him.

You pen down yet another entry in your diary. Cross out his name a couple of times and tell yourself, ‘it will be ok.’

In the morning there will be assignments to hand in, work to take care of and friends to talk to. You will forget about it soon enough but not tonight.

Tonight, for one last time, you will allow yourself to think about him and tell yourself it’s ok.

It is not like you did not know that it will come to this. You did. Along the way there were many red flags but the sense of familiarity made them seem like just a bunch of colors.

Familiarity is a strange thing, is it not?

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12 thoughts on “Familiarity

  1. In the study of psychology we believe that we’re sub-consciously drawn to what is familiar. My guess is so that we can resolve remaining issues, once and for all. It’s probably why so many people marry badly the first time out. They’re still needing to resolve issues. This is why if you study family dynamics you’ll see generational behavior patterns. It’s amazing.

    • It’s not change that I am afraid of. It’s the process of getting wrecked that is not so much fun but I guess that’s how we grow! 🙂 Thank you Carrie!

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