I did not choose this for myself. Maybe it came to me.

Maybe I went for it.

All I can tell you is that it was not a conscious decision.

I dreamt of a time… I dream of a time when I will meet someone who will want to do things with me… for me… or just be with me just because I am me.

This is nothing to do with relationships.

I don’t know what it is.

There is an inherent sadness to it.

A kind of sadness that depletes your energy level. A kind of sadness that makes you want to disappear and never talk to anyone ever again.

This kind of sadness just needs to go.

I have tried… tried to dissociate myself from the situation… tried to think happier thoughts but in the end it’s the incoherent ones that take over.